My best buddy Peavy and I had it all planned. Early in the morning we would grab our fishing poles and gear and make it down to our favorite fishing hole, just down the road and back in the woods a bit. Lazy day we thought, the kind that 9 year olds love. Lay back on the bank, fishing poles secured, and laze and dream and take a swig of a coke or something once in awhile. Lunch would be peanut butter sandwiches and some hard-boiled eggs, and maybe some tuna or jello or something.
YEH, PERFECT. We had been looking forward to this day ALL WINTER, ever since last fall when it got too cold and then snowy to fish. DANG it.
Plotted and planned as only 2 9yo's can do it and then fate struck.
DANG IT.
Two days before our BIG DAY, the bomb struck. Pfui.,
What bomb you ask?
Well, I'll tell yah.
PFUI.
Grandma. Hateful old witch, as mom used to put it when out of earshot of course. She had few friends and even fewer family who cared about her so Peavy and I had to wonder who in the world would show up for her funeral anyway. Why bother was our way of thinking, but of course we kept quiet...sorta, and knew we were doomed to going. Rats.
Dad hauled me into the bathroom, and commenced to bear down on whatever accumulated dirt he could find especially behind my ears. Of course, he had to be using the scratchiest nastiest washcloth in the pile and it felt as if my skin was being torn off and no matter how hard I hollered he never let up. It went on for what seemed like an eternity but finally, broken-spirited and bleeding profusely I passed inspection and got handed a bathtowel barely softer than that dadratted washcloth had been and I dried myself. At least he let me do that, consarn it.
After finishing up, I was allowed into the bedroom where upon the bed lay my suit du jour, a heavy wool contraption which made me itch just to look at it. "GOOD GOD," I thought. What did I do?
It barely fit too, being last years model...and I had grown of course, but it was the only one I had and no time to buy a new one even if they had wanted to. This fit the occasion, I thought.
I came out into the kitchen just as Peavy arrived and he could see my discomfort, but was buddy enough not to giggle at it. Good thing, for I would have trounced him good if he had.
"Ready,"? Mother asked, and I thought of several answers NONE of which I knew she would like, but instead merely murmured "yes,: and we filed out to the car. Beautiful big Cadillac, brand new too. Dad had splurged uncharacteristically after announcing the hardware store had done really well the last year. It was black and immediately at the moment reminded me of a hearse, but I kept still although Peavy had the same notion and punched my hand with his and stifled a giggle, and I berely controlled myself.
The church had no air conditioner and was stifling to say the least which made my discomfort at wearing this old wool suit even worse. GOD this thing itched.
To top it off, our minister was in a drone-chatty mood and I thought he would NEVER get through, I noticed even the adults were beginning to squirm after a while. He went on about what a wonderful person/church member/person Grandma was and I began to wonder who in heck he was talking about. I noticed dad beginning to have to stifle himself for fear of breaking out into laughter, but dad is a very disciplined guy so he managed. Meanwhile Peavy was hanging on to my right hand as if it was food and he was starving to death. Geez. I tried to wrestle it loose a couple of times but no. Eventually a lot of coughing and squirming broke out and evidently the pastor finally got the drift and came to a close, sort of. Not soon enough, to my mind...but we made it to the end finally and after singing "Nearer My God To Thee," which I felt was a bit much...we filed out into the even warmer daylight outside, and now after a bit of chatter we were destined to head to the Funeral Home for the final viewing of 'Grandma' and then the cemetary. Good God is there no end to goodbye.
This would have been a bit much EVEN IF we had actually liked her but...
FINALLY, about 5:15pm and way too late to still go fishing, we got back home and of course a bunch of friends and family tagged along...not wanting to see this WONDERFUL DAY end I assume. Peavy and I did make good use of the time by pigging out at the array of food tables set up for the newly starving and wound up being too full of cake and cookies and roast beef and the like to be much good for fishing anyway. LOL.
CHAPTER II
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